Thursday, December 25, 2014

All I Want For Christmas is for Ann Coulter to reconsider her definition of rape

Dear Ann Coulter,
Merry Christmas! I am an atheist, but I celebrate Christmas as precious time to spend with my family and loved ones. Today I will be with my nuclear family and tomorrow I get to meet my cousin's new baby, who was just born last month.
This week I was made aware of your stance on feminists, college campus rape allegations, and your claim that 2 out of 5 alleged rape victims are lying about it. You say they are just trying to get attention.
It makes me very sad, and enervated, to read your calloused views on feminists, and especially on rape survivors, whom you disregard in your writing. I desperately didn't want attention when I was raped when I was 18, and I didn't call the police because the rapist was my boyfriend. I wanted to pretend it didn't happen. I wanted to believe that he loved me and cared for me. It didn't occur to me that it was rape, because, like you say, he didn't use a brick. What he did do was force my legs open, when I was saying no over and over and over and over and over again until I realized that I couldn't stop him, because he was a lot stronger than I was and pushed my legs apart violently while I resisted and even tried to kick him in the face. He was laughing and saying "you'll love it". I did not love it. I did love him though, and I was confused and I wanted to be with him but I didn't want him to do that to me. I was ashamed, scared, and thought I somehow brought it on myself. This happens a lot to rape survivors, since people like you help contribute to rape culture, and all of the scaffolding to support it, by denying that it is real. When people don't believe rape survivors, it makes them feel crazy.
After quite a few years (I'm 33 now) I decided I am not in fact crazy, and began to define what happened to me as rape because of the consequences in my self esteem and failure in subsequent relationships. I have come to realize that someone I trusted violated my trust, and used violence against me when I was extremely vulnerable. It has taken years and years to find a boyfriend that I can relax and be myself with, and trust not to hurt me. I have considered prosecuting my ex-boyfriend, but I do not wish to ever have to look at him again, and anyway, as you probably would point out, the statute of limitations is over.
My Christmas wish is for you to reconsider your definition of rape. Listen to the women who are claiming it happens. I know you'd rather live in a world where rape doesn't exist, especially when the perpetrators aren't easy to vilify "bad guys" but our boyfriends, friends, husbands, brothers, cousins, or dads, who aren't supposed to hurt us. A statistic I did not find on your website, which isn't from Against Our Will, is that many rapes and sexual assaults are perpetrated by people close to the survivor.
Thanks for reading, and have a wonderful, rape-free holiday.
Julia Booz